Monday, June 28, 2010

Rainy day and lunch with a friend...

I woke up this morning feeling very tired.  Not the weak, fatigued tired from Friday but just a blah, kind of maybe I could use a little more sleep kind of tired.  I went out to the kitchen to make myself something to eat so that I could take my morning medications. 

After eating my toast and drinking my hot tea, I headed back to my bedroom with Penny bouncing down the hallway as if she were a gazelle.  God I love that dog.  She makes me laugh and smile every time I am around her.  She's pretty much my 3rd child.  I know that I am breaking all sorts of rules by having her close to me while I'm undergoing chemotherapy (so if you are my doctor or one of my nurses and you are reading this...please pretend that I have one of those Men In Black flashy things and forget anything that pertains to my dog but remember EVERYTHING that pertains to curing me) but I know that my heart would break and I wouldn't do as well without being able to have her near.

Today though I was having a lunch date with a human.  So Penny had to spend time in her kennel.  One of my very bestest friends Mar was gonna come by on her lunch break and chat for a bit.  Most of my friends, well the close ones, have seemed to pull away a little bit.  At first I was sort of hurt by it but when I talked to them about it, time and time again I heard the same thing being said, "we don't want to burden you with our problems when you are going through something as serious as battling cancer".  I told them to stop right there. 

I love my friends.  They are some of the best people you could ever meet and I feel honored to have known them and be integrated in their lives.  I understand where they are coming from but sometimes when I sit and talk with them and they are confiding in me their problems, heartache or whatever, it allows me to get out of my own head for that moment.  It serves as a distraction from trying to remember if I took my temperature, what medicine needs to be taken next, am I eating the right things, did I drink enough water, am I drinking the right water, should I make out a will, what will happen to my kids in the event that I die from this.....yeah, all I do all day is think, think, think, THINK! 

It's downright maddening and I not only welcome the change of topic, I damn near crave it.  So today Mar braved the torrential down pour and came and spent her lunch hour with me.  It was great seeing her and even better that we just talked about her.  There was only a small slice of time left open to talk about how things were going with my treatment and that seemed too much by me.  I really just wanted to hear about her and life outside this house.

Plus she brought food, so she was golden.

I don't know how long it will take me to achieve remission or a possibly be cured but as long as I can have days like these where I get a few moments with a good friend then I know that I will make it.

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